NO NOOGIES

20 04 2010

What I am about to reveal is yet another fundamental difference between the sexes.

Women don’t know this, but men are not all that fond of hugging. Oh, the three second “Hi/Bye” hug is okay with us, but what women really want are the minimum twenty second “I just want to be held” hugs.

Men constantly forget that women like to be “held.” Instead, they give them the little quickie hug – it’s over so fast the woman wonders if that was an actual embrace, or an inadvertent collision. You see, guys respond to different stimuli – a firm punch in the arm, a solid slap on the back, or heck, even a pretend knee to the crotch, these are the things that guys understand and enjoy. They are endearments, exchanged amongst buddies.

Unfortunately these do not work at all well with women. Give a woman a noogie, whip around and fart, or stick a wet finger in her ear and you might just as well watch Sex in the City in bed, for all of the action you’re about to get.

Now men, if you are smart (like I am), heed these words, and focus your attention on how women want to be hugged. You can still catch the replay of that last homer if you just angle her around a little so that you line up the screen over her left shoulder. With your head next to hers she hasn’t a clue where you are looking. She probably thinks you have your eyes closed too, just like she does. Remember though, twenty seconds minimum, or she won’t consider it a hug.

And ladies, please don’t hold this against us. It’s not our fault. Our grandmothers and aunts nigh-on suffocated us when we were just boys, and we’re scarred for life.

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10 responses

20 04 2010
roamingfirehydrant

Thought men hugged me just to check out the sweater puppies in a legal fashion. Hi/Bye.

23 04 2010
Lesley

Sorrry to have to reveal this but hotspur is full of stuff and nonsense…..i’ve seen beneath his layers
his wife Lesley

29 04 2010
roamingfirehydrant

“hotspur is full of stuff and nonsense…..”

🙂

Hug him for me, will you please, and where he can’t see the screen over your shoulder. Thanks.

29 04 2010
beasn

Sorry, Mr. Beasn likes hugs more than I do. Probably to do with sweater puppies…but he loves it when I come home from work and give him some good squish. He loved his aunts and grannies too.

Oh, I lurve to hug and get hugs from my kids but I don’t like anyone else touching me.

17 08 2010
Cathy

Hummm. I seem to recall YOU initiating the hug-thing wit me, bud.

10 09 2010
Michael

Dammit Hotspur! Can’t you keep advice like that to yourself?

16 10 2010
LC Aggie Sith

Huh… I always thought it was a way for men to cop a feel legally.

15 11 2010
Hotspur

27 10 2011
Eulogy for Hotspur « The H2: Willing To Shoot the Hostages Since March 2009

[…] let’s just say Hotspur married up. She was very kind to me, considering I went all Hostage on Hotspur’s personal blog and made a comment about sweater […]

25 01 2012
Hotspur

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