What I am about to reveal is yet another fundamental difference between the sexes.
Women don’t know this, but men are not all that fond of hugging. Oh, the three second “Hi/Bye” hug is okay with us, but what women really want are the minimum twenty second “I just want to be held” hugs.
Men constantly forget that women like to be “held.” Instead, they give them the little quickie hug – it’s over so fast the woman wonders if that was an actual embrace, or an inadvertent collision. You see, guys respond to different stimuli – a firm punch in the arm, a solid slap on the back, or heck, even a pretend knee to the crotch, these are the things that guys understand and enjoy. They are endearments, exchanged amongst buddies.
Unfortunately these do not work at all well with women. Give a woman a noogie, whip around and fart, or stick a wet finger in her ear and you might just as well watch Sex in the City in bed, for all of the action you’re about to get.
Now men, if you are smart (like I am), heed these words, and focus your attention on how women want to be hugged. You can still catch the replay of that last homer if you just angle her around a little so that you line up the screen over her left shoulder. With your head next to hers she hasn’t a clue where you are looking. She probably thinks you have your eyes closed too, just like she does. Remember though, twenty seconds minimum, or she won’t consider it a hug.
And ladies, please don’t hold this against us. It’s not our fault. Our grandmothers and aunts nigh-on suffocated us when we were just boys, and we’re scarred for life.