WORDS MEAN SOMETHING

6 01 2010

The cynic in me can no longer take it. The misuse of our language, and the proliferation of syllables must stop. My rant follows:

My biggest annoyance: What is meant by the use of the prefix “pre” in so many instances? At the airport: “We will now begin the preboarding process.” What the fuck does this mean? Will we board before we board? And “process”? Why is everything today a process? Why don’t they say “We will now begin boarding.” Plain, simple, accurate, and four fewer syllables.

Preregistration. Yes, this is when you register before you register.

Prerequirements. Think about it. A prerequirement to entrance into college is a high school diploma. No. The requirement to entrance into college should be the ability to speak correctly.

Speaking of which, have you noticed how cops report events? They believe that the more syllables they use, the more officious they sound. “We apprehended the suspected perpetrator of the crime.” This is retarded. You caught a suspect. More time to listen to sports scores.

Weathercasters: “We will likely see more precipitation during the overnight.” The overnight?!!! What the hell is the overnight? When does it begin and when does it end? Why not just say: “It might rain tonight.”?

“It’s going to be partly sunny.” This may seem like splitting hairs but, excuse me, don’t they mean partly cloudy? The whole entire sun is there during the daytime. It is the clouds that will partially block it. Did these people go to school?

Funeral homes: “We offer preplanning services.” How do you preplan something? To plan means to have a strategy prior to an event. Preplanning equates to getting ready to plan. Makes no sense whatsoever, but they all do it.

Merge: this one is a bit different. It’s not misused so much as nobody knows what the fuck it means. When you are getting onto the expressway, you merge (blend yourself) into the traffic stream. This means you get up to speed and find a spot. It does not mean get her up to forty-five and force me out of the lane because you are too stupid to know how to drive.

Similarly, yield does not mean come to a stop. It means do not impede the cars that have the right-of-way. If there are no cars to impede, cruise on through.

You say you are an administrative assistant. I say you are a secretary. You say you are a sales associate. I say you are a clerk. You say that you are a custodial worker. I say you are a janitor. You say you are an auto technician. I say you are a mechanic. Know what I mean?

“There were myriads of choices.” Myriad is an adjective, it means countless or an infinite number. Therefore, there were myriad choices. Unfortunately, the choice you made in using it is the WRONG one.

“In regards to.” Wrong again. Regards are wishes. Drop the s.

Irregardless of the fact that many people say it, irregardless is not a word.

Penultimate. No, it doesn’t mean the best. It means next to last — like this paragraph, you moron.

So, in conclusion, think before you speak. Otherwise you may end up needing a teleprompter before anyone will take you seriously. Or yu mite get stuk in Irak, like Jon Carry warnded yu.

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8 responses

6 01 2010
Jewstin

One of my pet peeves is when people use less when fewer is correct. The ’20 Items or Less’ signs in the stores drive me up the wall.

6 01 2010
Cyn

Then vs. Than has always bugged the crap outta me.

6 01 2010
Cyn

I’m leaving a big one just for you, Spur!

6 01 2010
MCPO Airdale

Wow, insightful commentary and spell checking!

6 01 2010
xbradtc

**poops all over Hotspur’s shiny blog**

6 01 2010
agile_dog

I see the old sailor (showed Jonah how to tie knots) and soilder (showed Hannibal how to herd elephants) wandered in and left thoughtful, intelligent comments.

I take exception to “microwavable” and “garagable”, and to those that swap affect and effect. Plus the simple misuse of there, their, and they’re.

6 01 2010
Jewstin

Another overused word is area. Sports announcers and police spokesmen are really bad about that. Athletes might get kicked in the ‘groin area.’ Police will find a weapon in the suspect’s ‘driveway area.’

I think Reno 911 used that as a running gag.

6 01 2010
clintbird

This is NOT a poop joke.

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