Journalism…yeah, let’s call it that. It sounds better than Prostitution.

22 11 2009

My brother-in-law is a moron.

(This is a public service announcement. Its purpose is to help you sort the bullshit when considering the purchase of a car as you sift through the magazine racks in search of a review.)

My brother-in-law is an “automotive journalist.” Yep, they fly his lily white English ass all over the world in first class, put him up in four and five-star hotels, and pick up his tab in the best restaurants. Who is “they,” you ask? One car company or another, it doesn’t really matter. He attends press events, auto shows, unveilings, test driving new models, race events and the like. At these events, “they” give out shit token gifts to the writers like iPods, digital cameras, expensive clothing, etc., (you know – trivial stuff) and send them on their merry ways hoping for a juicy blow job favorable review.

Upon my brother-in-law’s return from these junkets, he is most eager to regale me with stories of all of the luxuries and favors that were lavished upon him and all of his fellow car whores automotive journalists. When I inform him that he’s nothing more than a hooker with an interesting accent, he gets very offended and insists that he’s a “journalist,” — unbiased and professional. “That stuff (meaning the first-class tickets, hotels, meals, gifts) has no influence on the columns and reviews I publish.”

“Oh really???” I’ll exclaim. “Then how come when you wrote that article about the BMW Z4, you didn’t say that it’s a nice sports car, if you like a ride that resembles a clown shoe? You know, like you and I were laughing and saying before you went off to that Andes rally in June paid for by Bavarian Motor Works?”

This is but one example of many. What really galls me is his English superiority and insistence that none of that bribery holds any sway over his writing. Can I refrain from doing the **cough**bullshit**cough** thing? “Couldn’t you only do it rarely so as to foster family harmony?” my wife implores.

Speaking of my wife, let me mention his condescension, especially towards his wife and mine – they are sisters – from Scotland. The English have this bias towards Scots bred into them from birth, and it’s been going on for centuries. It doesn’t matter the topic, to an Englishman, Scottish opinions are wrong because they’re Scottish. Ugh! Never mind that I have proven their points to him time after time; he won’t hear of it. Chilean wine can’t possibly be good because he hasn’t heard about it or tried any.

So the holidays are coming up. Did you know that the busiest time of the year in Barbados is Christmas? Yep, it’s because of people who can’t abide being around their family.

Have a nice day, Mon!

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4 responses

25 11 2009
apotheosis

this blog needs moar poat!

1 12 2009
mesa in Texas

I’ll wade through a wine list to find a Malbec.

If they’ve taken the trouble to find a good one — chances are the rest will be decent as well.

1 12 2009
Vmaximus

I am 1/2 english and 1/2 scottish. I hate myself.
I had a in law that was in sales, his job was to find out what the client liked to do and give them memberships etc.
He got cool stuff too. Buy the ranchers cow at the county fair. Expense it , and buy a big freezer you have a cow!
Another client liked to skeet shoot. Gave him a membership in a expensive game club. Have to take him there to shoot with. Buy membership for self, expense it. Oh he did not have a shotgun, the company bought him one.

1 12 2009
Hotspur

Well, V, all companies should buy their employees guns. It should be like health care and 401Ks.

Embrace your Scottish self.

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